One day earlier this week, you and I were listening to a tape you had found and on that tape there was a sound that sounded similar to a heartbeat. You turned to me and asked if that's what it sounded like when you were in my belly.
I paused for a minute, because we've had the conversations many times about the day you were born and how you've had a tummy mommy, but in that moment I reminded you again that you grew inside someone else's tummy. You giggled and said "oh right" and then you asked a question that I wasn't sure I was ready for yet.
See most people in the Adoption community think it's selfish for me to have emotions like this, but I think it's still very REAL. It has nothing to do with what could've been and has everything to do with the fact that it hurts my heart to have to shatter your world
Why does your story have to be different?
You're going to have SO many question, questions that most children shouldn't have to think of.
And in certain moments, I question whether I am strong enough to handle the situations to come, but than I remind myself that I can handle anything and I hope you are raised thinking the same thing.
That morning you asked to see a picture of her.
I walked to the kitchen and grabbed my phone. We don't have any physical pictures but I do know where I can find one....I pulled it up and you looked at her and giggled again....."why is she doing that?!" You asked...she had her hand placed on her chin. I smiled and said I wasn't sure.
We chatted about your story again and I reminded you to always ask us any questions if you have any.
But none the less, that morning she became a real person to you......and I wish you know every single day going forward that she chose the the option she did out of pure love for you and I hope you also know that we don't ever wish for things to have turned out to be different than they are<3
M
xoxox
Post a Comment